The Demon Chicken
With nothing left to do, the Galactic Defenders, Crazy Doug and his remaining employees made a circle
and held hands. They began to sing self-esteem songs and cry.
Douglas turned into a blithering pile of self pity as he sobbed endlessly. He began to confess that he was
starting to like doilies. Bill hit him and told him to get it together. But that only made Douglas cry more and more.
Ron offered to hug him, and Doug hit him. Then Ron made some crying noises, but we all knew he was faking.
"Nobody cares about how I feel," thought Ron. Bill nodded his head in agreement, and Ron gave him a dirty look.
Ed sat on the side and fiddled with his hat. One of the legs of the rubber chicken had fallen off. Others
began to sing songs again.
"Doug," said Bill, "You've got to get a grip and stop crying like it's hopeless."
Doug just cried more.
"Doug," said Bill, "If you don't stop crying I'm going to hit you again."
Doug just cried more.
Smack. Hysterical crying.
"Let's leave," said Bill, "there's nothing else we can do here."
More hysterical crying and blithering.
The Galactic Defenders marched back towards the SPM-2.
"Why did you keep hitting him?" asked Ed.
"I figured he was crying already," said Bill, "So I might as well take advantage of the situation."
"Oh," said Ed. The rubber chicken on his hat had come to life and was singing self-esteem songs.
"Can you make that thing stop?" asked Bill.
"Please stop singing," said Ed to his rubber chicken hat. The chicken bit him on the nose. "It bit me on the
"It'll do you good," said Bill. The chicken stretched his neck over towards Bill and bit Bill on the nose.
"I think you killed it," murmured Ed.
"Good," stated Bill, "Some things are better off not living and causing that kind of trouble."
Bill felt a tugging at his shirt from behind and he looked back and saw Crazy Doug sulking behind him,
"What do you want," Bill asked.
"Another hug," said Doug.
"No," said Bill.
The chicken revived and bit Doug on the nose. Doug grabbed it off the top of Ed's hat and broke it's little
neck with a sharp snapping crunching sound, and then put it back on top of Ed's hat. "I think there's a demon in my
rubber chicken hat," said Ed.
"Fear not!" exclaimed Ron, who excitedly ran to SPM-2, damaged himself on the way into the ship.
"He worries me a lot," said Doug to Bill, who was in better control after having maimed the chicken.
"Yeah," said Bill, "But he's a good help. Keeps the floor under his feet, if you know what I mean."
"He stands around a lot, huh?" said Doug.
"Yep," said Bill and handed a handkerchief to Doug, "you got a mess all over you face from that production
you put on a few minutes ago. Clean up. Ron's returning."
Ron returned. He wore a religious cape, and ceremonial gloves. "I am here to exorcise the demon from the
chicken hat," announced Ron.
"Doug already killed the chicken," said Bill.
"And look," said Doug, "I already had someone take the body and convert it into these neat little 'chunk-o-
chicken' biteletts." Doug took one and dipped in into the secret sauce and ate one.
Ron gave them a stern look and said quite seriously, "You're messing with powers you know nothing
"Oh, too bad," muffed Bill through a mouthful of chicken. He gagged on a bone and spit it out. Ron
jumped upon it and began chanting.
"What's he doing again?" asked Doug pointing at Ron.
"I think he's casting the demon out of that little bone," said Bill.
Ed walked down the beach and collected small pebbles. He decided he was going to use them to throw at
Ron when the appropriate time came. This was a rather violent thing for Ed to do, as Ed wasn't in the habit of
throwing rocks at people. But these weren't rocks, they were just pebbles and in Ed's mind, Ron sometimes didn't
qualify as a person. Ed secretly figured that Ron had put an evil spirit into his rubber chicken hat and that was why
he was constantly losing it. He also secretly figured that Ron was now going to try to exorcise the demon to set
himself up as some spiritual head of the Galaxy during this time of trouble. Ed figured he was doing too much
figuring and blotted all the thoughts from his mind and collected pebbles instead. He was going to start a pebble
farm and try to see how pebbles lived in the real wild while inside of a small cage. Ed once had a gerbil until its tail
"Ramala," said Ron. He then stood up and looked at Bill who was standing in observation of the highly
complex ritual that Ron was performing. "Do you know what 'Ramala' means?"
"Yes," said Bill.
"Let me explain it to you," knowing perfectly well that Bill didn't know or care what the word meant.
"I don't want to know what it means," said Bill, "because I already know what it means."
"Ah," said Ron, "But I know you don't really know what it means. You just say this because you do not
wish to gain understanding into the ways of the Galaxy."
"I know what it means, Ron," said Bill, "Get on with it, and forget the vocabulary lesson."
"In the ancient times," began Ron, "During the reign of the High Coridara of this island, a small village
"called chickens 'Ramala,'" said Bill, "Get on with it."
"Yes," said Ron, "he called chickens Ramala."
Ron then took a long staff from his robe, and held it before himself so that Doug and Bill would be able to
see it, "This is my staff," said Ron.
"Good," said Bill.
"It is a good staff, yes," said Ron craftily. He rubbed his hands together mysteriously with a facial
expression that allowed do so without moving his hands at all.
"And I am about to use it," said a strange man who popped out from behind the bushes. He took the staff
from Ron and held it aloft.