Ed's Banjo
"Bill," said Ed the Galactic Defender, "I lost my nifty hat." Ed continued to rummage through a closet in
the corner of the Defender's secret hideout place.
"Bill," said Ed the Galactic Defender, "I lost my other nifty hat as well." He continued rummaging through
the closet, "I found your nifty hat. But I still can't find my nifty hat."
"Hats are not nifty," said Ron the Galactic Defender with a sneer, "Hats are for putting on heads. They are
not for being nifty."
"Ron," said Ed, "I found your hat also. It isn't nifty at all."
Ron smiled a sickly smile, took his unnifty hat and put it on his greasy head and strutted outside, tripped
down the stairs, collected himself, adjusted his unnifty hat and then addressed the throngs, "I am glad to see you all
here again today. It seems that only yesterday you were here, asking me for my knowledge and wisdom. Well, here
I am again. Of course I can help you understand those things. Yes, I know all about that as well."
Ron's morning ritual usually carried on for about an hour. There was no audience, but he was certain that
one day his infinite wisdom would be known throughout the galaxy, and there would be a necessity for him to stand
on the front porch and address a crowd. For now, he was practicing up.
"Hey, Bill! I found my hat," said Ed, "It's nifty."
Bill rolled over in bed again and looked at the clock, 5:25 in the morning. He was fairly certain that
nobody was supposed to wake up until 8:00. Judging by how he felt at this moment, he figured the other two goons
had been up for at least an hour now. Maybe two. He listened and noted that Ron was finishing one of the twelve
points in Ron's "Why I am Wise" sermon. Bill muttered to anyone who would listen that the galaxy didn't need any
defending until at least 8:00. Ed began to play his banjo loudly. At least the banjo playing was good. He went back
to sleep. While he slept, Ron wrote out five formal proofs of greatness. Ed lost his nifty hat again, then re-found it.
The sun finally came up. Bill got up too.
"Today I have received word from the High Council," said Bill. Ron gave him a look that acknowledged
the fact that Bill thought Ron should be on the High Council as well. Bill saw the look, and gave him the look that
said that he clearly didn't think that and Ron should stop trying to put thoughts into other people's minds. Ed played
with his nifty hat. The hat was red and had a yellow rubber chicken stapled to it.
"The High Council has informed us," said Bill, "That something dreadful has happened in the universe."
Bill enjoyed syrupping out his formal announcements. It made him feel important. I guess since he's the leader of
the Galactic Defenders he is important. He didn't always feel that way though. "The Galaxy Crystal has been
stolen."
A string on Ed's banjo broke. Ed's eyes grew bigger as he looked at the string, "A sign!"
"Yes," agreed Bill, "When things start to break down in our galaxy, generally it is an indication of the
missingness of something awry. The Galaxy Crystal is the source of all frap products. Most of the things we use
are made, at least partially of frap."
"Missingness is not a word," said Ron.
"I'm in charge," said Bill, "It is a word now."
"Well, it isn't a real word," muttered Ron under his breath. Ron wished he was the leader so he could be
the one to declare the newness of words.
Silence surrounded them for a few moments. Then Ed made a suggestion, "I think we should travel to
Crazy Doug's on Grease Nine to find out if the Galaxy Crystal is still producing frap products!"
"No," said Ron, "We must stay here. The High Council will tell us what to do next."
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