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The Fame of Microwavable Pork Rinds
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The Best Pork Rind Experiences
By Justin McDonald and Philip Hassey, those who have a deeper appreciation of pork rinds
There have been many different success and failure stories connected to our various valuable and life
changing pork rinds experiences. We feel that these experiences have made us the men we are, and we are proud to
tell the tales in hopes that they will give you meaning too.
The excitement of seeing pork rinds being born and watching as their flesh exploded as if some horrid virus
had just attacked was a time which moved us to understand that pork rinds were more than just pork rinds. Seeing
how such a simple hard rock of food could exploding into something greater was likely very similar to our own
experience in growing from stupid teenagers to grown men obsessed with pork rinds.
We discovered in our dorm life that we could use the pork rinds as an offensive weapon. The utter shock
and horror found in a person's first encounter with a pork rind can scar them deeply. They fall to their knees at the
prospect of being force fed one of the crunchy delights, and beg for mercy. It has saved our weinery necks on more
than one occasion to threaten a would-be annoyance with the prospect of just watching us eat these gifts from God.
One time we actually got girls to experience pork rinds with us. As a group we watched one individual
pork rind writhe and bloat, and offered it to the girls while it was still hot and rubbery after a brief demonstration of
the malleable properties of the still hot pork rind. After that we made a line of pork rinds, and watched the bubbling
growths spread like a virus across the row or pork rinds. After this pork rind experience we had a deeper bond, and
Phil almost lost his fianc‚e, but everything worked out in the end.
However, Justin was not so lucky. For a brief period of two weeks, he had a girlfriend named Julia. She is
a follower of the Great Pizant, and as a joke Justin offered to give her a bag of pork rinds so that she could sacrifice
the rinds to the Great Pizant. Julia took this as a mockery and dropped him without a thought. She knew he was
unchangeable and would never follow the Great Pizant. Rumor has it the Great Pizant enjoys pork rinds.
Without a doubt pork rinds have also had their hard times too. Sometimes they don't explode and just
remain hard and tough refusing to change, like a caterpillar into a butterfly changes into their final pork rindish
shape. Other times the bag bursts into flames while still inside of the microwave producing an utterly vile smell
which didn't clear for at least three days. Although the scent of burnt and decaying pork rinds is akin to throw-up, it
is still a sweet smell to our nostrils as it reminds us of the blissful taste of pork rinds in their majestic state.
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PORK RINDS!
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